Making Bird Feeders (picture overload)

Shaun's parents have decided to do some activities, from a distance, with all of their grandkids. Our first activity was making bird feeders. We had to take pinecones, spread peanut butter all over them, and then roll them in bird seed. Here are a few pictures before we started! The kids thought this was SO FUN. Blake especially. He didn't understand that he needed to spread peanut butter around the whole entire pine cone. He thought he could put a huge huge glob of peanut butter in one spot and call it good!!! He LOVED rolling it into the seeds too. That was his FAVORITE part! Here's some pictures of the girls and Blake working on their feeders and then holding the done product up So then, because I am supposed to document with pictures, this whole thing, I thought I should let Payzlee have at it. I was scared, not gonna lie, peanut butter and bird seed. I could see the catastrophe in my head. So I snapped a few pictures super fast in between helping her. (Shaun conveniently got called out as we sat down to do this)So I help her spread the peanut butter. Then I helped her roll it in the bird seed. She wanted to play in it. And then it happened. As tried to get Payzlee to show me her feeder by holding it up. She looked at it, like SERIOUSLY looked at. And then as I snapped a few pictures she took a bite of it. Not just a kid bite but THE BIGGEST bite I have ever seen her take with anything ever. All I could do was laugh and snap pictures. I thought for sure she would spit it out since there was seeds on it but to my surprise she looked at me, chewed, and swallowed. She did it a second time too as I stood there amazed at what had just happened. Here's a few more of all the kids!

Upcoming surgery

So THIS stinking cutie is having surgery on April 9th. Back in January, Payzlee had a swallow study done. She had to swallow barium in different forms of liquids and foods and also with various consistencies. Even with the thickest thickener, Payzlee was aspirating, meaning she was swallowing ALL liquids and thin solids into her lungs. Because of this we were admitted to the hospital for an emergency NG Tube placement (nasal gastric tube or feeding tube) Payzlee is not allowed to have liquids by mouth or thin solids like ice cream, apple sauce ect. She has a Gtube (gastric feeding tube) in her belly now. You can see it in the picture above. She has all of her liquids by feeding tube. We met with the ENT about a month ago and he told me what they plan to do. On March 25th we have a swallow study for Payzlee, exactly like the one that showed she couldn't have liquids, except this one is with ALL solid food. We believe she is aspirating on ALL FOODS not just thin solids and liquids. If this is the case, Payzlee will no longer be able to have any food or drink by mouth. April 2nd we go in to have an upper gi done. Basically it is a barium drink that she will drink and they will photograph her anatomy; everything the barium touches. mouth, throat, esophagus, lungs, stomach, and intestines. They are looking to see if she has malformations, abnormalities, if things are too small, too big, something obstructing, and a number of other things. On April 8th we will go in for clinic the day before surgery. We will meet with 5 or 6 drs (I forget) and it will be a MINIMUM of 4 hours long for this lovely appointment. They will go over EVERYTHING that will happen the next day. From what I know, (I will be able to fill in more details after the 8th) they will be putting Payzlee under and the ENT is going to check out her anatomy. He especially wants to look at her vocal cords. They will have her under a lighter sedation so that they can make her cough. When she coughs, they will be able to see her vocal cords. There should be a dam by your vocal cords that keeps fluids from going into your lungs. They want to know if it's intact and formed right or if it is more of a cup, not there, or is malformed in any way. He will also look at anything he sees on the upper gi. If he sees something that could be causing her issues he will look with the camera at that particular spot to see what it may be and if it can or should be fixed. After he is done, a pulmonologist will go in, put fluids into her lungs (I know freaking scary right? I gasp every time I think about it) and then he will suck the fluids back out. He is checking the health of her lungs. Because she had been aspirating for so long, her lungs more than likely are not in the best shape. The fact that she hasn't had infections in her lungs show that on the outside everything appears to be fine with her lungs, however, she could have bacteria growing in them or infection in them. By injecting fluid and then pulling it back out, the dr is hoping to see exactly how well her lungs are doing. Aspirating the amount of fluids Payzlee has been, makes her more susceptible to lung issues like pneumonia and bronchitis so we have to steer clear of people when colds come around. After that dr is done, her GI will step in and do another scope on her. Because she is still having GI issues this is important to do. He will be taking tissue samples from her throat, esophagus, stomach, and intestine I believe. They will be able to tell if there is inflammation or EoE like what Blake has. They told me this is an in and out procedure normally, but they told me to plan on packing a hospital bag. They said that if the ENT does find something, he may fix it and if that is the case we will stay. But also if her oxygen drops at all they will keep her overnight. This is a scary thing for us. PLEASE keep us in your prayers. Shaun will not be able to get off work to go to this surgery with me. I have an AMAZING friend who is helping me with the kids that day but Shaun does not have any sick days and vacation days don't kick in until after this surgery so I will be going alone. Anyone who knows me well knows I don't do surgeries very well. Blake has stopped breathing while under before so I don't handle surgery let alone being without my husband during a surgery. I will keep everyone updated and let everyone know what else I find out on the 8th. Now for a few more pics of our Beasty!!! She's so cute when she sleeps!!!! Shaun and I have the most perfect family. Our wedding song is Keeper of the Stars by Tracy Byrd and it says in it, "I hold everything, when I hold you in my arms. And I've got all I'll ever need, thanks to the keeper of the stars." It doesn't matter which member of my family I hold but when I hold them, I know all is right, and all WILL BE right, and I truly have everything in the world right there in my arms.

When having patience just isn't enough

The last three weeks have been super trying with Payzlee. We don't know what is wrong with her. She cries ALL DAY LONG, and sometimes into the night. If she isn't crying she is super cranky and testy and very clingy. I haven't had a normal nights sleep since she was born. She has fussed and cried through the night since she was born. I have spent more time in tears from exhaustion then anything else with her. I feel SO BAD for her. My heart aches because I can't fix her. My heart aches because no one knows what's wrong with her. My heart aches because she hurts and I have to sit back and let it happen. I have never had patience. It's something I have always tried having, and it may even seem like I have, but I don't. Those days when i seem cool calm and collective, are the days when I am fighting back the tears the most. I just told the GI dr today that I am pretty sure I only come to his office to cry! Not having an easy baby plus mixing it with medical and other kids with medical have seriously taken the small amount of patience i had and thrown it out the window. Sometimes I look at other women at church or the store or the park and I watch how kind and patient they are with their children and I envy them. I want to be them. I often wonder how they have acted during their hardest life trial and if they stayed patient or lost it several times over and over like i find myself doing. BECAUSE of this, i have decided to write a NEW list of what patience means to me. patience, is being able to hold back the tears long enough to make it through Dr's appointments even though there are 3 appointments that day and 1 is over 3 hours long. patience, is not being as hard on myself; patting myself on the back when very small milestones are not even close to being made but are still heading down the right path Patience, is hugging my kids Patience, is letting my kids know that it is ok to cry and that is ok to pray when you are struggling. Patience, is being so humble and grateful that you were the mom entrusted to bring these 4 beautiful and amazing children into the world and trusting Heavenly Father to help you get through each day with them. patience, is being grateful that your child is alive even with the medical. They could always be gone. Patience is relying on the Lord through thick and thin and knowing that through it all, He will help me and that our Savior knows exactly how i feel and will never leave me alone. I couldnt be more grateful for my church and what i believe. I feel like i am going through the hardest life trials that i have ever been faced with up until this point. My days are up and down between good and really bad. But i know that i am going through this for someone else and that, when the time comes, that person will be so grateful that i am there to reassure them that, in the end, everything will be alright. I have learned that sometimes, when you run out of patience, you have to turn to your Father in Heaven and ask for help....not more patience, but enough energy to just make it through the whole entire day, and then through the night too!