The Littles

The Littles

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

trials

sorry let me get my rant out first. It's kinda long. I'm sitting her just thinking. Why do we have trials? And when we say we don't want anymore why do we get a ton more? Seriously why do people say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger because I can honestly say I don't feel that much stronger after our latest set of trials. I feel depleted I feel worn out and more then ever I feel like I've struggled and barely made it out alive. This pregnancy has been really hard on our family. I'm 24 weeks and I have migraines sometimes 3 times a week. Bad ones, ones where I can't function and get out of bed. Up until a month ago I had morning sickness so bad I couldn't get out of bed because the room would spin. I've been cramping non stop with this little guy and it's been extremely hard on me. I've had to lean on Shaun which I feel like he's completely bent over from my leaning. It's been a struggle and I wouldn't take this baby back for nothing but I could do without being pregnant that's for sure! And I'm not complaining about the actual physical part of being pregnant it's more that it's wearing on me and Shaun and the kids. On May 1st of this year it will be 2 yrs since Shaun was hurt and we are STILL on workman's comp. The only difference between now and 2 yrs ago was 1. Shaun is in constant pain everyday. It never goes away yet he still tries to do everything he once did before. Most things he can't do but he tries at least. 2. The difference in pay. Workman's comp just decided a month ago to cut us done 600 bucks a month. That's my house payment. I just don't understand how they can do that knowing that Shaun is legally not allowed to get another job and he still has a family to provide for. It's frustrating. Tayla has chicken pox while Mylee is in waiting. That's hard being cooped up day after day with wild kids just wanting to play at the park and play with their friends that they can see playing outside. It's even harder to wrap myself around the dumb washer that quit working with a load of laundry still sitting in it. Apparently they needed to soak longer! However negative and ranty this may be I do know that we will be taken care of. Heavenly Father's not just gonna ditch me now. He's taken me down this path the last 2 yrs so I know he won't lead me off course. He's got something better in the end. (hopefully a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to buy me a new washer!) but until I get to the end I have to just follow him. I found this cute little craft block that i had bought from DI forever ago. It says Faith Makes Miracles. It really does. If I didn't have faith I'd be ok this trial would be harder then it already is, and trust me it's pretty hard. I had THE HARDEST time wrapping my head around the fact that there was suppose to be another baby born into our family. I struggled so bad with almost losing Mylee that it was "easier" for me to like our family just the way it was; mom dad and two little girls. It took both Shaun and I a year before we finally listened to the promptings of the spirit and got pregnant. That in itself has been such a hard trial for me. I KNEW without a doubt in my mind that Blake was suppose to join our family yet I knew I had to have FAITH to do it because without faith I would have been done having kids. Heavenly Father just needed me to be obedient. I was and although this pregnancy isn't starting off great I really believe I'll be truly blessed in the end just for having faith and being obedient. A few weeks ago in church this missionary got up and talked about the foot prints in the sand poem. If you haven't read the poem go here it's amazing. http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php The poem talks about how this person always saw 2 sets of foot prints in the sand. One was hers one was the Saviors. She said that during the hard times there was just 1 set and she had felt the Lord had abandoned her and he said that he hadn't that it was during those hard times that He picked her up and carried her through the sand. This is so amazing to me. I know the Lord won't abandon me instead He'll carry me through it all I just have to have FAITH that He will be there and help me.

3 comments:

  1. I just heard someone at our RS birthday dinner speaking on adversity - she had so many wonderful thoughts on it, but my favorites were: adversity is blind - it doesn't discriminate and everyone has SOME kind of adversity through their lives; Heavenly Father isn't always the cause of our adversity; and we make the choice of how to respond and react to the adversity. Seems to me, you understand those quite clearly from your post, I was just reminded of them. Thanks for posting and I hope this trial is near it's end so that you can calm down before the next (whatever it may be) *hugs*!

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  2. Thank you SO MUCH Melinda. It's so hard to go through trials but sometimes I think going through them isn't as hard as having to face them, deal with them, and learn from them. When our trials seem to go on and on forever I try to stop and think what else can I learn from this! Shaun's injury yeah I've done that sooooo many times but in the end I think the real reason it's taken this long is the ending result. He is suppose to be affected the way he is now and I don't know why but Heavenly Father does and I just need to be patient and let him lead the way! Thanks again!

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  3. Just think of it like this Cheree. There is always someone else out there worse off than you. It may not seem like it but really truly there is. I have this kind of thinking when I was pregnant with Bryce struggling every day with nausea and vomiting in and out of the hospital for medicine and dehydration. It was awful! Anyway a girl that I worked with me was also pregnant and had a major heart attack and they had to take her baby and it didn'g survive. When I heard this I felt so guilty for complaining to myself when my baby and myself were perfectly heathly and going to be alright. Also when I was having trouble after having MaKenna and in the ER a week after trying to find out what was going on. There was a baby the same age as her in there that was breathing. They were trying to revive it and it didn't make it. I was so glad my baby was healthy and at home. As far as getting stronger from trials it may not seems like you are getting stronger but when it is all over you will be able to relate and help that person who has had trials like you have. This is what I learned from getting a divorce. I thought I was such a FAILURE for getting a divorce and it WAS the hardest thing I have ever been through in my whole life. Well, I made it through I didn't die like I thought I was going too. I have been able to help others that have gone through what I have been through. Also I have the GREATEST blessings from my first marriage and that is Caden. Anyway enough of my rambling. CHIN UP girl!! Your strong and you will make it through I PROMISE!! Mindy

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