trials

sorry let me get my rant out first. It's kinda long. I'm sitting her just thinking. Why do we have trials? And when we say we don't want anymore why do we get a ton more? Seriously why do people say what doesn't kill us makes us stronger because I can honestly say I don't feel that much stronger after our latest set of trials. I feel depleted I feel worn out and more then ever I feel like I've struggled and barely made it out alive. This pregnancy has been really hard on our family. I'm 24 weeks and I have migraines sometimes 3 times a week. Bad ones, ones where I can't function and get out of bed. Up until a month ago I had morning sickness so bad I couldn't get out of bed because the room would spin. I've been cramping non stop with this little guy and it's been extremely hard on me. I've had to lean on Shaun which I feel like he's completely bent over from my leaning. It's been a struggle and I wouldn't take this baby back for nothing but I could do without being pregnant that's for sure! And I'm not complaining about the actual physical part of being pregnant it's more that it's wearing on me and Shaun and the kids. On May 1st of this year it will be 2 yrs since Shaun was hurt and we are STILL on workman's comp. The only difference between now and 2 yrs ago was 1. Shaun is in constant pain everyday. It never goes away yet he still tries to do everything he once did before. Most things he can't do but he tries at least. 2. The difference in pay. Workman's comp just decided a month ago to cut us done 600 bucks a month. That's my house payment. I just don't understand how they can do that knowing that Shaun is legally not allowed to get another job and he still has a family to provide for. It's frustrating. Tayla has chicken pox while Mylee is in waiting. That's hard being cooped up day after day with wild kids just wanting to play at the park and play with their friends that they can see playing outside. It's even harder to wrap myself around the dumb washer that quit working with a load of laundry still sitting in it. Apparently they needed to soak longer! However negative and ranty this may be I do know that we will be taken care of. Heavenly Father's not just gonna ditch me now. He's taken me down this path the last 2 yrs so I know he won't lead me off course. He's got something better in the end. (hopefully a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow to buy me a new washer!) but until I get to the end I have to just follow him. I found this cute little craft block that i had bought from DI forever ago. It says Faith Makes Miracles. It really does. If I didn't have faith I'd be ok this trial would be harder then it already is, and trust me it's pretty hard. I had THE HARDEST time wrapping my head around the fact that there was suppose to be another baby born into our family. I struggled so bad with almost losing Mylee that it was "easier" for me to like our family just the way it was; mom dad and two little girls. It took both Shaun and I a year before we finally listened to the promptings of the spirit and got pregnant. That in itself has been such a hard trial for me. I KNEW without a doubt in my mind that Blake was suppose to join our family yet I knew I had to have FAITH to do it because without faith I would have been done having kids. Heavenly Father just needed me to be obedient. I was and although this pregnancy isn't starting off great I really believe I'll be truly blessed in the end just for having faith and being obedient. A few weeks ago in church this missionary got up and talked about the foot prints in the sand poem. If you haven't read the poem go here it's amazing. http://www.footprints-inthe-sand.com/index.php?page=Poem/Poem.php The poem talks about how this person always saw 2 sets of foot prints in the sand. One was hers one was the Saviors. She said that during the hard times there was just 1 set and she had felt the Lord had abandoned her and he said that he hadn't that it was during those hard times that He picked her up and carried her through the sand. This is so amazing to me. I know the Lord won't abandon me instead He'll carry me through it all I just have to have FAITH that He will be there and help me.